I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
