Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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