I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
