Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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