i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
