The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
