Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
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I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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