I just pynch a tree in the face
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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