Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
