saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
