i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
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When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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