So drunk its hurt
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
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Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
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