So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
