I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
