Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
