my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
