My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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