Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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