woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
