im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
