If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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