I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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