hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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