How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
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She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize