with your own penis?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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