The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
