Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize