I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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