1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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