At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
