I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
