I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.