my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf