He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
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We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.