I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
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It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?