I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
