I forgot how hot balto sounded
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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