"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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