How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
