fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
