My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
