So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
