Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
