I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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