Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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