well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
