just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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