take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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