I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
