Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
