I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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