I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
