so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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