His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
