Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
