why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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