I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
