For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
