i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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