I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
