I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
