billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
