apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
