it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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