I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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