No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
