You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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