Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.