Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.