does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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