so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.