How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Found your dick twin last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.