Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian