My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I intend to get homeless drunk
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?