first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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