Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
