You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
