so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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