What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
