Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
