my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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